dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
