I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
