i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
