The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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