i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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