mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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