I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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