I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
