he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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