i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
