Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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