My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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