Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize