apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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