i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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