Umm I'm too high to move.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
