I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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