Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
