they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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