I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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