the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
