we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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