Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
