i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
