if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
