I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
