i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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