She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
