i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
