We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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