College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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