I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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