I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
