Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
