I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bring money and cleavage
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
