people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize