So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want nice things and good sex
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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