Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
