hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
