i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
