I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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