A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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