Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
