When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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