btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
