Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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