Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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