i need an iv and a liver transplant
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize