i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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