I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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