Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize