is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
