he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize