A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
