I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
