My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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