FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
