i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
