Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
