Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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