How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
