you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
