I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
