??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
