McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize