you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
