Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
