Don't make out with my wife yet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
