what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
