just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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