There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
