I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
