did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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