Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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