Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
