He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
