Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
