His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
