u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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