I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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