After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
