Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are all done wearing pants today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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