If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
