You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
