no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
