if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
